Rainy Day Music, The Jayhawks

Rainy Day Music, The Jayhawks, 2003, :50

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

This is the most boring alt-country album I have ever heard.  I nearly fell asleep listening to this in the car.  I like muscular music.  This music is a brain and nervous system lying on a cold dissecting table.  I nearly spasmed my own muscles cringing from the nerveless, watery songs "Will I See You In Heaven" and "You Look So Young."  Favorite tracks: I guess "Save It For a Rainy Day," and "Fools On Parade," which was not included on the original album (doubtless because they never got around to taking out all the catchiness and power from the song) but is on Spotify as a bonus track.

When I Pretend To Fall, Long Winters

When I Pretend To Fall, Long Winters, 2003, :48

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

This is a regular indie album, played by a bunch of guys who play indie music.  A couple of the songs seem to be about a woman who left him a year ago and is now getting married, maybe?  I didn't find it engaging or interesting.  The lyrics are delivered with self-importance but are rather juvenile, and heavy on the choruses.  The most popular song on the album, "Cinnamon," is nice but marred by that reliance on the "chorus ad nauseam" approach.  Favorite tracks: "Scared Straight," "Blue Diamonds."

Carnavas, Silversun Pickups

Carnavas, Silversun Pickups, 2006, :56

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

This buzzy, shoegaze type of indie is really not my thing. This album was suggested by Spotify, which normally is a good source of new-to-me music that matches my tastes. But I found it to be a snorefest.  I guess I just can't get past that dead affect, low-fi buzz.  It works, most of the time, for Yo La Tengo.  But these guys sound like Elf Power on Xanax. On the plus side, "Checkered Floor" has a few rockin' moments. But the last song ends with 1:45 of fuzz noise. No thank you! Favorite track: "Dream at Tempo 119," which true to its title manages to speed up enough to sound awake, at least.

I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One, Yo La Tengo

It's the title word count-up to ten! Eight words.

I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One, Yo La Tengo, 1997, 1:07

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

Now, Yo La Tengo isn't always my personal cup of tea.  My tastes run more toward the literate muscular folk or punk than fuzzy indie pop.  However, I generally admire their albums and their musicianship. This album, however, just doesn't do it for me.  Ethereal, delicate, skillful, buried muttered vocals always leave me wanted a bit more clarity.  Those softly crooning vocals are just... very... very.... soporific to me. "Stockholm Syndrome" sounds like Uncle Tupelo. The only places that a song really breaks out are in the Beach Boys cover and "Sugar Cube." But "Spec Bebop" is a 10 1/2 minute long instrumental with feedback and fuzziness, ugh.  They also cover "We're an American Band," turned unrecognizable in a cloud of fuzz.  Favorite tracks: "Sugar Cube," "Little Honda," "Stockholm Syndrome."

Pinkerton, Weezer

It's the title word count-up to ten! Here we go.

Pinkerton, Weezer, 1996, :34

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

 
This is the first Weezer album I've heard in its entirety and I'm not impressed. Apparently built around the story of what a creep Rivers Cuomo is, it's all buzzy, fuzzy distorted guitars, feedback, rock "yow!" and "ooh!", lots of cymbals and snares and hi-hats; it's a very treble-heavy sound. There are a couple of nice melodies here, but they're buried under layers of histrionics and rock frills. Yes, it's rock, but must there be so much of it? And the lyrics are, well, pretty damned dumb. "I can't believe how bad I suck, it's true / What could you possibly see in little ol' three chord me?" Or: "I'm dumb / She's a lesbian / I thought I had found the one." That's from "Pink Triangle," one of the dumbest songs I've heard in a while. "El Scorcho" is the most popular song on the album, but I think it's practically unlistenable. On the other hand, fans and Rivers himself have gone 180 degrees in their opinions of the album over the years, so who knows? Favorite tracks: I can manage two.  "The Good Life" is catchy, though highly repetitive and its lyrics are also simplistic and puerile ("I ain't no Mr. Cool / I'm a pig, I'm a dog, so 'scuse me if I drool"); I also like the acoustic "M. Butterfly" pastiche, "Butterfly," very much an outlier on the album.

X&Y, Coldplay

Getting close to the end of the alphabet of albums now! X is for extremely lugubrious.

X&Y, Coldplay, 2005, 1:02

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

This is U2 without as much talent. Overlong, self-consciously Arty, droning and uninspiring. Pass. Okay, now for the bright spots. "Fix You" is a great song, but I actually prefer it in other people's hands; even the geriatric cover band Young@Heart did a punchier version. The semi-acoustic "Till Kingdom Come" actually has some rhythm to it.  I kind of like "Speed of Sound," but does everything have to be so long and windy?  Favorite tracks: "Till Kingdom Come," "Fix You."

Waiter: "You Vultures!", Portugal. The Man

Getting close to the end of the alphabet of albums now! W is for what the heck is this?

Waiter: "You Vultures!", Portugal. The Man, 2006, :52  

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

Experimental (?) rock band from Alaska's debut album. They're a good band, but the songs don't seem to be about anything. See: "Lay my face back in the sleep finds me lazy / (A fear's friendly fed when you're free to be resting) / Birds in the sky and the rain won't soon call in / (Gravel laced sunsets foaming through my belly)."  Or: "Pears and peaches and Doctor Hippo / Met for a drink in those marshmallow clouds / Shout at pavement that’s sprouting up turnips."  Or: "Sharpened tongues fair painted divers / Forearms rest in streams of silver / Golden people pass in silence."  Well.   Look, I can only listen to so much unalloyed gibberish. And of course the album ends in five interminable minutes of buzzing and plinking and random voices and feedback. Ugh.  Doesn't anyone want to just make an album of songs any more?  Favorite tracks: "How the Leopard Got its Spots," "Waiter."

Young, Loud and Snotty, Dead Boys

Currently doing one album for each year, 1960-2020. Today: 1977.

Young, Loud and Snotty, Dead Boys, 1977, :35

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

A short, sharp shock. Vocalist Stiv Bator's wanna-be-a-snarl-but-actually-a-whine might have influenced a thousand angry teens to turn to punk, but it's kind of annoying after a few songs. More important, though, is their stance. You might write off "Caught With the Meat in Your Mouth," a nasty account of a groupie, as juvenile lewdness, but there's something to object to on nearly every song. Take "I don't need none of your bedroom bruised sweet box / And I don't need none of your spoiled ass sweet talk / I wanna write on your face with my pretty knife / I wanna toy with your precious life" from "What Love Is." The full-on sexist bile of "Look at me that way, bitch / Your face is gonna get a punch" from "I Need Lunch." Not to mention the totally unnecessary "Ya got dents in your head that tell me all the beds / You've been shoved on" from "All This and More." I get they're young, dumb, and high on a wave of rejection of all social and sexual mores, but it's just too misogynistic to take today. The punk ethos shouldn't be represented by these nasty fellows.  Two stars, barely, for having influence.  Favorite tracks: "Sonic Reducer" and "High Tension Wire," I guess.

12 x 5, Rolling Stones

Currently doing one album for each year, 1960-2020. Today: 1964.

12 x 5, Rolling Stones, 1964, :32

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

Yeah, yeah, this is the Rolling Stones, the Greatest Rock ’n’ Roll Band in the World, yet I’m just not sure that this album adds anything to their accomplishments. White British lads covering Berry’s “Around and Around” without adding their own spin on it is pretty much the extent of this album’s raison d’être. Showing that the Stones were still working toward their bad-boy sound, the version of “Time Is On My Side” (also a cover; I never knew) here is more languid than the later, justly more well-known version, and features an organ solo rather than guitar.  Their one-and-a-half minute version of "Susie Q" doesn't need to exist.  The three originals here are decent enough, but are early shuffle blues, nothing special. Favorite tracks: “Under the Boardwalk” is utterly inessential and slavishly faithful to the original, but it’s a good song.  And I guess the same goes for "It's All Over Now."

Father of All Motherfuckers, Green Day

It’s Manic Monday! Wherein I listen to a rocker, a punker, or just a general banger. 

Father of All Motherfuckers, Green Day, 2020, :26

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

I’ve been a huge, huge fan of Green Day since they appeared on MTV, jumping up and down and tearing up their couch like total morons in the "Longview" video. I went out and bought that album, and everything since, and the stuff that came before, and loved practically everything. A brilliant band, absolutely brilliant, playing what they want, saying what they want, and parlaying an obsessive drive to entertain into massive success. But… I just wasn't enthralled by the singles from this album that I heard when they came out. And indeed, they're representative of the whole. It's a little glossy, a little too poppy, for my taste. Slick, pop-perfect production but not much in the way of muscle or snarl. Lots of "yeah whoa"s and "oh oh oh-oh"s and "la la"s in the choruses. "Meet Me on the Roof" sounds like if someone told Prince about pop-punk and he tried to make a song in that genre without hearing any examples. This is Green Day lite, watered down. I'm not angry, Billie Joe, just disappointed. Favorite track: the Beatles-inspired “Stab You in the Heart."

Milo Goes To College, Descendents

It’s Manic Monday! Wherein I listen to a rocker, a punker, or just a general banger. 

Milo Goes To College, Descendents, 1982, :22

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

I've heard a few Descendents songs here and there but never got into them, although all my punk friends in college thought they were the best things since pressed wax.  So I tried this, their first full album and one of the most influential albums of the hardcore California punk sound.  It's just not for me.  I wouldn't call this bad necessarily, but a little too raw for my taste.  The lads' enthusiasm is certainly to be commended, but their straightforward, juvenile, unsubtle lyrics and the lack of a nice crunchy punk riff or shout-along chorus make me lose interest.  Favorite track: "Suburban Home" is Ramones-like minimalism; "Bikeage" is pretty catchy.

The Evening Call, Greg Brown

The Evening Call, Greg Brown, 2006, :56

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

I've been a long-time fan of Greg Brown's often brilliant work, so I looked forward to this one eagerly.  I hate to give two stars to an album by someone of Brown's stature, but that's what my impression was.  Sludgy and slow, with too little of the wry wit that makes his material so enticing.  Favorite track: the spoken word chant of "Eugene" stands out in my memory.

Everything Sucks, Reel Big Fish

Everything Sucks, Reel Big Fish, 1995, 1:03

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

Exuberant ska.  Apparently their debut album; some of the members were teens when this came out.  It shows. At an hour, it's way overlong.  Dare I say... an aptly named album?  Favorite Track: "Sell Out," maybe?  They're all pretty much the same.

A New Tide, Gomez

A New Tide, Gomez, 2009, :43

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

While I'm a big fan of Bring It On, this album bored me.  Maybe it deserves another chance on the strength of their previous work, but I don't see myself coming back to it again.  Best track: "Airstream Driver."  Its catchiness and verve make it, sadly, an anomaly.